– Colossians 1:15-17

Self-deception in the life of the Christian is an insidious thing. We often find ourselves undertaking a fool’s errand in the service of nothing more than a self-righteous piety. Suppose you discover, much to your horror, that you have made something of an idol out of a mere created thing (be it visible or invisible). You have abandoned your purported first love and taken on a mistress. I suspect for most of us this is not difficult to imagine. For most of us, there is nothing to imagine, as it is all too real – either a recent memory or perhaps a present reality.

How do we respond to this discovery? -

We may seek to correct our mistake by disengaging, by abstaining, from the illicit affair. So repulsed are we at our infidelity, we may weep bitterly. Some tears may even be shed for the dear thing we’ve now lost; given up through the sheer force of our own self-determination. We are determined to have no other gods before him. So, we identify our idols and cut off their heads, throwing them into the fire.

Yet, soon there will come another unpleasant discovery and, later, another still. Didn’t Calvin say that the heart is an idol factory? – We take some shallow comfort in the universality of our experience. Perhaps, we might even take some satisfaction in the fact that we engage ourselves in this pious work at all – pitying those who are so ignorant and backwards as to worship their idols without thought or care. We are not like them.

No, we are not like them. The depth of our self-deception and the heights of our hypocrisy are far greater than theirs. For they are at least consistent in their rebellion – they make no claims to ‘having seen the light’

We do. Even so, we deceive ourselves by arbitrarily choosing the chief distraction – the whore of the moment – and picking up stones to do away with her ourselves. Having identified what is a real error, we all too often fail to address its root. The heart is an idol factory. It is that factory that must be destroyed.

Idolatry is rooted in a false prioritization of anything before the living God. This essence of all evil is produced in us by the opposite of faith. It is birthed out of our self-determination. Idols are made when we claim for ourselves the exclusive right to uphold the universe by the word of our own power – when we claim that anything has its true meaning, its ultimate significance, in our acceptance, apprehension, and estimation of it. In short, we can only suffer idolatry when we apply the edict: perception equals reality.

Of course, in order for an edict to be effectual, it must be backed by an appropriate authority. In asserting this metaphysical edict of our own authority (since it is nothing more than that itself), we make ourselves out to be God. We take on for ourselves that queer claim of Jesus Christ that is the great offense of the gospel. In short, we blaspheme.

It is nothing more or less than self-righteous empty human religion to deconstruct endlessly our idolatrous relationships to the created order – to play the martyr and embrace a masochistic, so-called, self-denial – while failing to recognize that the true competitor to the living God is not whatever we have presumed to destroy but is, in fact, ourselves. We are, in point of fact, no better off than our pagan friends – no more capable to deliver ourselves from the folly of our self-deception. We are no more ready to recognize than they that real justice and righteousness demand that we cut off – not the head of the harlot – but our own. We fail to see that it is our own person that must be thrown into the fire.

Until we refuse to labor in the factory of our hearts and instead set fire to its walls, we have no claim to true religion or the living God. We must do more than simply deny ourselves something. We must deny ourselves.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

– Matthew 16:25

- 1 Timothy 6:17-19

O Lord, it is so wonderful to know you in that which is truly life. That my running would not be after riches and fleeting pleasures of this world – but rather – surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let me also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let me run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of your throne (Hebrews 12:1-2). O Father, your word is so precious to me! Break my heart before the words of your Son:

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

- Matthew 10:39

How close have I come to losing my life in my effort to find it on my own, Lord? – How hard have I sought after position or security apart from you? -

“You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”

- James 4:4

Teach me what it means to never love the world to the exclusion of you – but – always love you to inclusion of the world! For whoever loses his life for your sake will find it

“And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.”

- John 17:3

O Lord, I long for you – the way, and the truth, and the life (John 14:6) – You are the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8 ) Riches are uncertain – but – you are the very basis for inexhaustible certainty! – You are that which is most real, and by your light, you reveal all that is such! Make me yours – that I might come to know Jesus more and more – which is truly life -

- G. K. Chesterton

It is merciful of God to prevent those of us moving in our own strength from speaking His words in power by His Spirit. A mercy and a necessity. For, if it be He who works, it will be in no uncertain terms. So, I find myself both thankful and ashamed that I held my tongue so well at Thanksgiving. It will not do to say what ought have been said, in love, then and there, in vanity, here and now. No, I thank God for His mercy – and knowing it – even in rebellion – receive it in forgiveness.

It does start me thinking though . . . thinking on what repentance and obedience look like when the commanded and sovereign wills of God collide in our experience.

So it is that I find myself in my current circumstance – undoubtedly – as a result of, perhaps countless, decisions made apart from faith – and – apart from God. That is to say, I have violated His commanded will.

Yet, I know that – even in my rebellion – my very sinful actions serve to prove God’s will. For, everything serves to prove God’s will and His will is never proven in vain. That is to say, I am only, ever, and always having my being within the sovereign will of God.

So, what of my current situation? – - – - – Should I be scurrying about to correct my mistakes – that is, by undoing their ramifications (my very life, such as it is)?

It is interesting – and, oh so, liberating – to know that when we know God in repentance, and His grace in help to keep His commandments – He allows us peace and rest in His sovereign will. So much so that we can say:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

- Romans 8:28

I was called to not sit idly by and let darkness pass unanswered by the light – even, and perhaps most especially, when that darkness is found in my own family. Yet…

there, to my great shame, I found myself company for the nights unrepentant misery.

Now, it is left for me to weep – knowing that while my silence is worked together by God for my own good – it bears witness, in stark contrast, to His wrath being proven against them.

Yet, my calling still remains, by His grace He shall make me, and His will, perfect in it.

O to be humble – it is to give voice to the truth!

It was Van Till who suggested that real boldness only comes from absolute humility -

God answers the prayers of His saints…

Praying for a humble voice

To speak at a total loss,

C. W.

P.S. – I believe in ‘the best of all possible worlds’ (I have to), I live in it.